Monday, March 9, 2009

Fab Facts about The Beatles Rock Band Game

If you make a mistake using the John Lennon guitar controller, there’s a microphone attachment you can use to shout, “No it’s genius! Get Martin to splice it all together. It’s a bleedin’ SOUND COLLAGE!” and get extra points back. The louder and crazier you are, the more points you get.

As you make mistakes as Paul, your avatar slowly morphs from the “Cute” Paul of the sixties to the “Angela Lansbury” Paul of today.

The original Ringo drum set control had to be redesigned so that it didn’t cause blisters on players’ fingers. It was decided that drumsticks should be used.

As you move later on in The Beatles Catalog, group play is prohibited and each individual player must play all the tracks, in separate rooms.

Buyers of the Billy Preston plastic keyboard controller will be disappointed at the song selection they can play on, and Paul always plays along on keyboards too.

An orchestra of plastic violin controllers is required to play “Yesterday.”

Whenever there’s a short in the connection for the bass guitar, “Paul Is Dead” will flash on the screen.

Buying an Eric Clapton controller allows you to play on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” and to hit on a Pattie Boyd avatar.

The Yoko Ono microphone control gives you points when you ruin songs, and the end goal of play is to break up the band. Ms. Ono insisted on this feature. A Linda McCartney “one color controller” joke was considered for this piece, but rejected.

The life size George Harrison plastic sitar controller is not expected to sell very well. The George Harrison program does feature a device that allows you to control the direction Harrison spins in his grave as you reduce his art to a video game.

Instead of colored squares scrolling at the player, as in the original Rock Band, multi-colored submarines, Blue Red Yellow and Green Meanies, flowers and devils will fly at the player. At least that’s what happens when you play the game on acid. Also, it turns out I wasn’t playing The Beatles Rock Band; evidently I was running naked through the woods near my house, clutching onto a stick I thought was a guitar.
--Dan Kilian

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