Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Ks - The Great Depression


A Couple Nights A Week

Screenplay For William Shatner and Christopher Walken Consisting Only of Pauses

Friday, June 24, 2011

Lake It or Leave It

I lake what I see. Really, that’s going to be the concept here? Weak rhyme puns on lake? Lake out! Lake wow! You love The Ks? Lakewise. Lake no mistake about it. Lake me a pie.

What can you say about a lake anyway? A pond you can get the parameters, an ocean  you have to let go and accept the vastness. Never quite got what made an ocean an  ocean and a sea a sea. Bays I get, lagoons, yeah. Swim-holes. But the lake is like the   province of water. They should only have them in Canada, and that might actually be the case. But a Lakeside, THAT you can talk about. THAT you can dip your canoe in and go fishing. We’re the tourists from the city who holed up in the house with a bunch of beers and are making a racket you can hear two miles over. Raccoons and foxes are drawn to our cabin, and Ian thinks he saw a bear. The real danger is the locals. They’re loading up on shotguns shells, peering in at us  through the trees. Will this be a bucolic getaway, or a lynching? Listen to those crickets. How could anything bad happen down here by the lake? Wait a minute? Did you hear that? Was it a raccoon? Where’s Jeff? Oh no! I don’t lake it!

--Dan Kilian

This was the program for Thursday's show at The Lakeside Lounge.

Slap My Name On This War by Barack Obama

No Other Place

Thursday, June 23, 2011


What does it say? Comment if you need a hint.

--Dan Kilian

Our Greatest Hits, Yolks Semi-Intact

He’s Herman Van Rompuy

Thursday, June 9, 2011


So a guy walks into a bar with the Glaive in one hand and a penguin in the other.

The bartender says, "Hey, we don't want any trouble, mister," at which point the Glaive shoots forth and slits the bartender's throat, spins around the room menacingly, and returns to the guy's hand.

As the bartender dies he says, "Why?  Why?" and the penguin says, "It is I who controls the Glaive."

--Steve Kilian

Letter To Liam Neeson

Imagined Conversation with Ray Parker Jr.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


We drove out to the reservoir with a 12-pack of rapidly warming Busch, hoping we'd get there in time.  If the girls were still there we'd give them beers and try to convince them to strip to their underwear and go swimming with us.  Megan wore a bikini top most of the time anyway so she'd be up for it.  But Megan was for Rick, as he'd made abundantly clear over the past three and a half years with nothing to show for it.  I preferred Dana, so that was fine with me.

I hoped that she'd be over last summer's thing with Brian.  I could still see her lolling in the shallows, guarding a thick egg-mass while Brian swam back and forth, clouding the water with his milt.  I cracked a beer and crossed my fingers.

--Steve Kilian

The House of Wrongs