Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Last Reality Show

Of course, the GenBoom phenomenon started on reality television, (specifically on the Elle Fanning vehicle Money Sex & Bugs) it quickly took on a momentum of it’s own. Reality shows (The time of reality television already a thing of the past, though the term TV was still thrown about loosely about anything seen on a screen.) started featuring Gen Boom moments as a regular staple, but once shows were developed that proved that pure GenBoom material could sustain a greater audience, the days for Reality programming were numbered.

Everyone knows that the former martial artist Wang Kar Wei was the first person to shoot his genitals off on a major program (Though there had been reports of this sort of entertainment as part of the Far-East sex tours.), but it is hard to imagine today how shocking this was at the time. Once his act was echoed in frequent and more explosive imitations, it quickly became commonplace.
As biotech caught up with entertainment, performers were able to replace their genitals with the new supergrafts, allowing for repeat performances. Thus an old form of entertainer was reintroduced: The Eunuch.

The fall of the reality shows, once so popular and violent that the surviving nation states and international consortium had to coordinate their wars with the reality programmers, was sudden and dramatic. Consolidation was the only answer. Consolidation and cannibalism.

Fighting for market share led to physical attack, as fan-soldiers invaded sound-stages and location sites, holding mass executions as the proceedings were filmed by both the conquerors and the conquered. Survivors were drafted into the remaining shows as slaves. Distinctions between formats quickly became meaningless, as the combat related shows took over all else. Aspects of the other types of competition, especially sex and cooking, retained a prominence in the new shows. The Eunuchs were spared due to their popularity and relative rareness (even today, it takes a certain type of person to destroy their genitals.) though they were still fleeing reality programming for the GenBoom shows in droves.

Finally, in a bow to, well, reality, the final show to conquor all others, originally titled Live With This! was changed to Reality. Having taken out all the other shows, the final conflict arose between the armies of Gerry “The Viking” ├ľordst and Chef Hannibal Dankmar. Each program featured a cavalcade of genital explosions, executions and a new recipe from each of the principals.

The Viking ├ľordst’s trademark move was to plunge his fingers into the orifices of an opponent’s face as though they were the holes of a bowling ball, tearing either the face or the entire head from the body. Chef Dankmar could slit a victim’s throat, clean the knife and fine dice an onion in under thirteen seconds. Of course most of the actual fighting took place amongst the fan base, but show executions drove that mass violence. Most independent critic’s felt The Chef’s elaborately brocaded aprons bested The Viking’s costume Nordic gear, but independent criticism didn’t exist in reality programming.

Both players and their advisers spent much documented time seeking nuclear weapons, but after the loss of Madrid on the final episode of El Blammo, the nation states, international consortium and the league of Eunuchs had fashioned a successful containment of the world’s nuclear arsenal. So conventional warfare, sex and cooking had to do.

Eventually it became clear, even through the filter of reality programming news, that The Viking was dominating the fields of war, and that the Chef had been forced into a guerrilla resistance. This stalemate affected market shares detrimentally, and Reality, and the wars it continues to spawn, has been pushed to the back burner.

There The Viking and The Chef (and any lucky usurpers who might assassinate them) wait for the GenBoom mania to fade. They retain the manpower, armaments, porn stars and recipes to have a devastating impact on the world stage. They just lack the ratings.

--Dan Kilian

Star Trek Cooking Show
From Space To Destroy

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