As “Fat Tuesday” provides a feast before Lent, “Day-After-Earthday” will provide a much-needed binge of environmentally hazardous behavior after Earthday. The environmentally minded will make a pilgrimage in SUVs (one to a car, please) tossing a stream of litter on the highways as they make their way to the beach, where they shall hunt dolphins, bludgeoning them to death with empty plastic water bottles that they do not refill.
After that it’s time to shop at the mall (Don’t forget to get a plastic bag for that purchase!) and have dinner at the drive through parking lot with the motor running. Then a typical Day-After-Earthday Celebrant might wind down the night reading a good book by a non-florescent light bulb. Just before bed, the new tradition will be to kill a panda.
Indulging in this way will be crucial to the Green Movement. For how will people ever become environmentally conscious if they aren’t plagued by monstrous guilt? Of course, there is the chance that people will acquire a taste for this destructive behavior, and therefore doom our planet. That’s okay too. Because if our appetites destroy our world, EVERY day will be Day-After-Earth Day!
--Dan Kilian
Bed Stuy Meadow
Good Vs. Evil
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