Moneyday

Today is Moneyday, so spend more money. I’m done explaining it, just spend more money. The holiday lasts through Sunday, so you can do something profligate tomorrow, or even later on in the week. Treat yourself nice. Since it’s Moneyday, let’s learn some Amazing facts about our currency.

The Penny: This coin was originally an electioneering freebie for the Lincoln reelection campaign. It joined our monetary system at an early stage, when anything circular (buttons, tacks, banana slices) was accepted for barter, and the penny proved resiliant. It actually costs the treasury 27.3 cents to make every penny it mints, making the coin completely fiscally irresponsible.

The Nickel is named not for the element, but as a bastardization of “knuckle.” A “knuckle sandwich” was originally a tasty treat, made of shaved pig’s knuckle and pumpernickel (originally pimperknuckle, a bread devised for it’s compatibility with pig’s knuckles) costing five cents. Eventually the sandwich fell so out of favor it became common practice to punch a person just for ordering it.

The dime used to be twice as big as the nickel, but they all shrank in the wash.

George Washington is on the paper dollar, so it would have made sense to have his picture on the dollar coin, for consistency. Instead, they put Washington on the quarter, and a couple chicks and Dwight Eisenhower on the dollar coin. Of course, the “Eisenhower and a Couple Chicks” coin is a rare collectable today.

The eye on the back on the one dollar bill is not a Masonic symbol, as many believe, but is in fact the actual eye of Sauron.

No one is buried in Grant’s tomb. Upon his death the body of the civil war general and U.S. President was finely shredded and incorporated into the paper of the fifty dollar bill. This was done to prevent counterfeiting, though clever grifters have gotten around this using look-a-likes.

Though they seem like it’s been around forever, the Benjamin Franklin one hundred dollar bill was only introduced in 1983. It was designed with a smoother surface texture, to allow for better snortability, a prevelant concern in 1983.

The term “dollar” is actually a hateful slang term for the Portuguese, and shouldn’t actually be used in polite society.

--Dan Kilian
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