Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Inconsistencies in the New Star Trek Movie

The new Star Trek movie is arriving this Thursday in theatres across the nation, and is drawing raves from the critics. Not everyone is so pleased, however. Hardcore fans decry the details of the new movie that are inconsistent with the known "history" of the Star Trek universe, as gleaned from the "Canon" of the original television show and movies. Some of these inconsistencies are explained with a time travel plot line. But some aspects of the new movie still ring false! Here are some of them.

Kirk, Checkov and Sulu are all the same age. This was also a problem in the previous Star Trek movies, when these three characters, all different ages in the original series, were all really old.

The Enterprise is build in Iowa, not San Francisco, as the “canon” states. Sorry, California. Ban gay marriage and you lose the future.

Lieutenant Uhura has been further sexed up, and has become a love interest, making her character an even more insignificant role than on the TV series.

The character of Scottie, played by Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) drinks less than the original Scottie, and favors heroin. Whenever Kirk implores him to kick, he curls into a fetal position and moans “I canna do it cap’n.”

The Horta is no longer a blobbish rock creature that communicates through cryptic messages carved in rocks with acid, but is instead a wisecracking anthropomorphic Muppet, with a vaguely ethnic vibe, and the catchphrase, “You want I should BURN this MOFO?”

The bridge has handrails (less Kabuki style flailing about whenever a photon torpedo hits) and looks like a Mac. Also, Dr. McCoy sports an i-Pod and is a big fan of “late Twentieth Century classical music.” There has been much controversy surrounding the extended twelve minute Busby Berkely style music number featuring McCoy singing a remix of the Men Without Hats song “Safety Dance.”

The characters R2D2 and C3PO do not appear in this film, a first for the series.
*
The robots are now biologically engineered hot chicks.

The Enterprise discovers the planet Krypton, undestroyed, even though history tells how Superman was shot away in a rocket as the sole survivor of that supposedly doomed planet. When asked about the story of Superman's origins, one of the super-beings of Krypton just laughs and says “That’s how we do abortions on this planet.”

The aged Spock played by Leonard Nimoy, is led back in time by Dr. Who, played by Tom Baker, even though his version of the Doctor died like, six doctors ago.

Rocks on various planets actually look like rocks and not some cheap lumps of Styrofoam as we know they will look in the future.

--Dan Kilian
-------------------------------------- Top Trek
-------------------------------------- Back To The Future

6 comments:

  1. You know what sound my Nerd Detector makes?
    "Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd"
    nice dude
    Matt

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  2. What part of "a Romulan named Nero who travels back in the past" escaped your mind? Time Travel? "City on the Edge of Forever"? McCoy changes history. Seriously you are taking life to seriously!!!

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  3. I remember being fascinated by the "cheap lumps of styrofoam" in TOS. The special effects and Spocks incorrect analysis about the exploding rocks on Gamma Trianguli VI shook me with total surprise.

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  4. Man, it's easy to make movies now days. Just throw in pointless action scenes, a few nipples, and lots of CGI, and PRESTO! You're not a JJ Abrams director. *Laughs*

    Get a life dudes.

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  5. I am so glad I did not pay to see the movie.

    I have seen every Star Trek Movie on opening day.

    I was totally disappointed with then new movie.

    At least Kirk got to bang a Green Bitch...

    That was about all that was from the orig series.
    BTW.. Bones was a retard in the new movie.

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  6. If your a real star trek fan you could still appreciate the new style. The haters need to get some girl friends and man up before you make any more comments that question your intelligence.

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