Arr! What tis it?
Tis a mermaid sir! And a lovelier one I’ve never seen!
What tis a mermaid?
Tail of a fish, body of a woman! There, see for yourself!
That?
Arr! I’m half in love already!
On that rock over there?
Have ye ever seen a lady so lovely?
Sailor, that’s some creature of the sea.
Arr! A lovely creature indeed!
It’s a fat seal with tusks!
Nay! Those be her shells, hiding her bosom!
You’ve gone mad.
Mad with love!
Cabin boy! Come here!
Yes sir? Is it time for me reamin’?
Nay. In fact, ye shall be doing the reamin’ today!
How so?
Get in this life boat and go over to that creature over there, and have your way with it!
Aye aye Sir!
Now we’ll see if that seabeagle is a mermaid or not.
Arr! Ye shall see!
Let’s just wait here in silence…
Do ye want t’watch?
Sure. Oh! ‘tis ugly.
’tis beautiful!
All right. Back to the silence…
Sir! I’m back!
Well?
Today I am a man.
Arr!
Nay! Was it a woman or a beast?
It was a walrus sir. A most calm and detached walrus.
Arr! No!
Arr. Yes. So I said. Don’t be tellin’ no tall tales in port sailor!
Arrrrrr!
As you were. Cabin boy, come with me!
Aye aye, Sir!
Arr! I love her anyway.
--Dan Kilian
Modern Day Pirates
Fake Piranha Repellent
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