44 Rings Up 43

“♪Take my breath away♫”

Dubya here!

43, this is 44

Chewbaccarama, is that you?

That’s Commander in CHIEF Chewbaccarama to you!

Aye Aye Commanderbama! How’s it going?

It’s going GREAT! I am kicking ASS!

Been a while since we talked. What’s up?

The dust in Qaddafi’s compound! That’s what’s up!

I saw that! Blowing up Qaddafi! A classic Gipper move. You always did like Reagan.

So I figure you’re one of the few people who know what this feels like. I mean, I can talk to Bill but he’s…

An asshole.

Exactly. And there’s 41, but he’s so…so…

So damn serious about it!

Exactly!

He’s all stern and whatnot, like he didn’t even enjoy himself.

Yes! And while it’s serious…

It is…it is…

It also KICKS ASS! I never really got that till now. I mean these other wars I inherited.

Good wars, but not fresh.

This one is all mine! Now I now how…JAZZED it makes you feel! I mean, Iraq…

Hoo-boy! Worms from the can!

And Afghanistan….

Afghanistan sucks.

Afghanistan SUCKS! There’s nothing there!

Rummy said it. No targets. You’ve got to go into Pakistan to hit anything in Afghanistan. But you’re hitting stuff now! You didn’t even consult Congress.

Fuck Congress.

Fuck Congress. Dithering do nothings. Now you’re The Decider!

I’m The Decider! Deciding all over Qaddafi’s ass! I love it!

Yeah, it’s fun at first, but, I’ve got to warn you, these things can become a headache.

Don’t worry. We’re only doing the feel-good stuff. No boots on the ground.

Keep those boots out. Just…sometimes…it gets complicated.

We’re keeping it simple-Simon. Just a no fly zone.

And a no drive-zone, whatever that is.

Right, right. Kind of like 41 did over Kurdistan. Either everything becomes static, and Democratic Libya sort of congeals around him, or someone does the right thing and pops Qaddafi.

Someone really does need to pop ol’ Q-bert. But then you’ve got to watch out for what they call a “power vacuum.”

If Q-bert goes down we’ll hold elections. I see why you’re concerned, George, but this is nothing like Iraq.

I guess you’re right. I mean, in Iraq they had all these tribal differences and it got to be all about reprisals and that got real out of hand. Doubt something like that could happen in Libya.

Yeah…

Anyhoo, congratulations. Glad you’re having fun.

Yeah…

Hey! Chewbaccarama! Don’t let me rain on your parade! Enjoy yourself.

Thanks, man.

And you know, I’m proud of you. We don’t always see eye to eye, but I’m proud of you. You know…I’m proud of our country for electing you. I know it’s not all about race, but I want you to know…I like black people!

Of course you do!

It’s just…ever since Kanye said that thing about me…

Kanye is a jackass.

You said it, Chewie! His new album is pretty kick-ass, though, I have to admit. “No one man should have all that POWER!”

I wouldn’t know. All I listen to is country these days.

It’s the best music. America’s music!

America is NUMBER ONE! All right, 43, gotta go.

You go 44. Do me proud!

--Dan Kilian

Gullible

Vicious Viking