Monday, February 1, 2010

Live Blogging The Grumpies

Editor’s note: This isn’t really live. It’s Monday. But for that vibrant visceral feel of immediacy, we’re writing in sparkling new PRESENT TENSE!

Great bath. Missed the intro. Evidently Lady Gaga and Elton John got all dirty but I am clean.

Actually maybe the bath was too long. Sometimes that makes me really thirsty.

Drinking ginger ale.

Punk rock always sounds better song by a bombastic Broadway choir. Who wants to be an American Idiot?

Beyonce has her own military. Lady can sing and dance, if not simultaneously. Nice recording.

Don’t feel like cooking. Bath really took something out of me.

Pink awkwardly disrobes and spins in a hammock above the crowd. Now she’s dipped in a bath, and spraying the audience with her moisture. Is anyone going to sing live?

Lean hot pockets. Is there any lower type of food? Drinking milk.

Will. I. Am is costumed like a metal-dipped cowardly lion. With some martial wear as well. What’s it like to the two guys in the Black-Eyed Peas who aren’t Will.I.Am and Fergie?

Drinking orange juice.

Jamie Fox is all military too. Granted, it’s revolutionary war style, but what the hell? Making racist social connections in my head, paranoidly seeing a soul music endorsement of War-mode Obama. Who is worse, the militants or me? Definitely me.

Bunch of musical acts. The boring ones who just sing and don’t bring armies that explode. Or interesting songs either.

Bunch of stars almost manage, through sheer star-power and over-singing, to bring Michael Jackson’s mawkish ballad about the Earth up to the level of horrible.

Blind opera guy and Mary J.Blige almost manage, through sheer star-power and over-singing, to bring Simon and Garfunkle’s gorgeous ballad about troubled water down to the level of horrible.

Got to go to the bathroom.

Good to see Eminem, getting a little sick of Lil Wayne, and there’s that other guy who does something.

I guess the Grammy voters have a lot of twelve year old daughters. Que stale Kanye jokes. At least he makes an awards show interesting.

Got to go to the bathroom.

3:00 a.m. Got to go to the bathroom.

4:00 a.m. Got to go to the bathroom.

--Dan Kilian

2009 Grammys

Good vs Evil: A Dialogue

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