Project Run For Your Lives

Fans of Project Runway have been commenting on the up-tick in scorn evinced by Heidi Klum as she critiques failing designers. Whether the harshness evidences Klum’s fatigue with the popular show now in its sixth season or (more likely) a conscious decision by the producers to add a more vicious element to the reality, references to “Octoberfest”; “Disco Pumpkin”; "Cheap witch costume” (perhaps the writers are just psyched for Halloween) and the ever reliable “Prom Dress” abound.

Klog’s inside source at the Runway office has leaked some teasers that show the second half of the season will be even meaner. Take a gander at some of the put-downs to come!

You say you want us to see your real style. Well, if this is your style, you should try to look like someone else’s style. Someone good.

The stitching is about as detailed as a football’s. A very sad, amateurish football.

I could see myself wearing that dress. In a nightmare. A nightmare with ghouls.

That dress looks like a pile of rags. I would like to douse it in gasoline and light it on fire. You should have!

That looks like a cheap prom dress. The one Sissy Spacek wore in “Carrie,” after it was doused in pig’s blood.

I don’t really care what that dress looks like. I do not like it because I do not like YOU. You are a horrible person and no one will ever like anything that you do. Fuck off and get out.

You are out. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Do not hug everybody and pack up your stuff. Just get out. Security!

In fashion, one day you are…oh let us just cut to the chase. Nicolas, your dress sucked. You are out.

You’re out. Ow! Your dress got me so mad I made a contraction! I did not even know how to do that until now!

That dress makes the model look like a gay man’s vision of what a beautiful woman should look like, starved for years, coked up and shellacked with makeup and hair products.

In my country we are very ashamed of the Holocaust. You should be even more ashamed of that dress.

I hate you! I hate you and I am going to kill you! Get out! I will kill your whole family. Why! WHY! WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT HORRIBLE DRESS!!?

Your dress looks like the end result of some meaningless exercise of some trifling entertainment set in the context of a completely shallow and trendy industry! It’s pointless! Also, it is poorly sewn.

After scouring the entire internet, this is the only picture I could find where Heidi Klum wasn't beaming like an angel.

--Dan Kilian

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