Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Rationing the Death Panels

As August becomes make or break time for Health Reform, disinformation is flying fast and loose. As a public service, Klog is here to clear up some of the myths flying around about the various plans to reform the nation’s health care plan. Here are some theories being floated, and we'll let you know what's myth and what's true.

Death Panels will be appointed to decide whether the elderly or mentally retarded babies have a high enough “level of productivity in society” to live.

This is ridiculous. Interests representing special needs children and the AARP would never allow their constituents be singled out for execution. The Death Panels would select citizens at random, without preexisting conditions. The lottery winners (or losers, in this case) would be notified by mail and given three days to put their affairs in order and report to the carousel of death for execution. No groups would be singled out.

The current health care system is inexpensive.

This is another myth. The current health care system is free! Other than your co-pay, do you ever pay a bill for health care? No! Whatever obligation you have to your health plan is taken out of your paycheck before you’re ever even paid, so it was never your money to begin with. Also, people who don’t have health care go to the ER when they’re really sick or injured, and ER is free too. Those tax and spend liberals in Washington are trying to get us all to pay for a free ride!

The Government doesn’t know how to run a health care plan.

The Government already runs two plans, Medicare and Medicaid which are very popular and efficient compared to Private insurance, which has higher overhead to pay for advertising and lobbyists. That greater efficiency is why Obama is pushing a hybrid system that includes the insurance companies, rather than a single payer plan that would be much cheaper for American taxpayers.

Health Care would be rationed under the new plan.

In fact this is true. As opposed to the current system, wherein any medical process available will be implemented in your service for free, limits would be imposed under Obamacare. This would supposedly save money but if you need the powder from a rhinoceros horn to fix your sexual dysfunction, and you need x-rays of that rhinoceros to make sure it’s not just a hippo with a prosthetic, then you have the right to that medical care, whatever it might cost.

Government Bureaucrats would get between you and your doctor.

In fact, with the new plans in play, government bureaucrats would get in between you and your insurance agent. When it comes to red tape and rationed care, do you want some corrupt official doing it or someone who does this for a living?

Thor will administer your health care using the magic powers of his hammer Mjöllnir the same way he took care of Loki after the death of Baldar.

That's just a myth.

Don’t just take our word for it. Do your own research. A lot of good information is being disseminated on politician’s Facebook pages and at town hall meetings. Whatever you do, however, don’t examine the health care plans of any other developed nations. A lot of horror stories come from those plans, as opposed to in the U.S. where no one ever dies because they didn’t have access to preventative care, and no one is ever ruined financially because they got sick. Stay healthy! That’s the best plan.

--Dan Kilian

The C Word Warning! Uses the C word!

Freddy vs. Wishmaster

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious stuff. You should totally be writing for The Daily Show.