Monday, July 6, 2009


The hand fetish world is a fractured place. Only half of those who recognize that they have a hand fetish are full-hand enthusiasts, the meat-and-potatoes types for whom one digit is as good as the next. The other half is divided into exclusive camps of Tea-timers, Ringers, Middlemen (less than 1/10th of one percent of "handymen" are female), Pointers, and the reviled Thumbs. Straddling these groups and accepted by none are a multi-digit aficionados who prefer their fingers in twos and threes. But their numbers are so small as to be insignificant.

Tea-timers often hold Victorian-themed social events where pinkies are put on delicate display. Private showings are arranged through a formal process involving calling cards, chaperones, and matchmakers. Ringers' conventions are more mercenary, with a heavy emphasis on jeweled adornment. Usually all that is required for elaboration on the theme is a sufficient carat-weight of precious stones.

Middlemen meetings are coarse, vulgar affairs, often devolving into shouting matches before the minutes of the last meeting can be read. The pointers, on the other hand, typically approach their obsession with all the gravitas of an academic conference, with keynote speakers and panel discussions of Pointerism in Sixteenth Century Estonian Literature and the like.

Thumbs, on the other hand, just have orgies, with a travel-size bottle of Purell being the only nod to concerns about hygiene and cleanliness.

--Steve Kilian
------------------------------ More Hands and Fingers
------------------------------ Necrophiliac Jokes

No comments:

Post a Comment