Friday, April 23, 2010


In my last post I used the word “bitches.” Actually it was “Bitches!” You need that exclamation point to make it a stand-alone exclamation. A second and a half of research involving asking myself what I think reveals that “Bitch!” came from prison culture to the streets and then it hit Chapel’s Show.

Yes, I know it’s “Biach!” or some such permutation but it’s all in the Bitch family (Which is an excellent Americana/Folk harmony group from Tennessee now operating in Williamsburg) What started as an abusive term for a rape victim (a darkness that makes its more innocent permutations more amusing) can now be used on your buddies.

It’s a fun word to say, but it’s spent. Chapel drove “Bitch!” into the ground, and it’s still being abused, even by yours truly.

To atone for my triteness, I’ve decided to come up with some fun semi-abusive terms which we might consider to replace “Bitches!”

Bouncy Boys! Fun to say, has that B sound (doubled!) though it might not be so edgy. Still, no one likes to be called bouncy though there are more chubby boys than prison rape victims, so it might be more universal.

Knob Goblins! Kind of has that homophobic zing that “Bitches!” had, but I see it as pure nonsense, and it’s also is fun to say.

Ass Muchachos! Homophobic (and let me be clear, homophobia sucks, but that’s part of the darkness that makes insults fun amongst friends, though violent amongst strangers) with a bit of a Latino vibe.

Gorditos! Dear Promotions Department at YUM! Industries. This is the kind of Taco Bell influenced insult I can make go mainstream if you make me your paid insult blogger.

Noob Boodlers! That probably already means something, but I was just kind of combining Knob Goblins and Bouncy Boys, and I kind of like it.

Humphreygobs! I started out with my favorite actor, Humphrey Bogart, and came up with a substitute for Bitches! What kind of fan am I? I’m a real humphreygob.

Sasquatches! Sort of sounds like “Bitches!” My spell checker gave me...

Sequatchiens! Some county in Tennessee. Let’s put them on the map. One day it’s a quiet rural community, the next it’s an insult people are throwing around. Suck it up, Sequatchiens!

Which new term will be the new “Bitch!”? You tell me.

--Dan Kilian

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