Take in a mouthful of delicious tiger meat. I bet you thought it would be gamey, didn’t you? No, we know how to cook tiger. Take off your shoes, and walk barefoot on our luxurious, freshly cured tiger-skin carpet. Feels good, doesn’t it? Please try not to walk on it with shoes; this is a rare item, not to be covered in muck. You see, we don’t just hate tigers, we appreciate them as well.
Now imagine that mouthful of meat was the last taste anyone in the world would ever have of tiger meat again? Wouldn’t knowing that make you savor the taste? Wouldn’t that unique experience make that the best food you’ve ever eaten? It would probably depend on how it is cooked.
The members of the Tiger Eradication Gourmet Society are dedicated to the idea that the last tiger should be cooked with the utmost of professionalism and culinary expertise. We want it to taste as good as the moment dictates. We believe the last tiger will be killed within our lifetime, and we want to do it right.
You see, while we hate tigers, and seek to destroy them, we also respect them, and want them to be enjoyed while they exist, until they don’t. Extinction is inevitable, and imminent. Enjoyment takes effort, and we are willing to make that effort, so that when the last of these great beasts is finally hunted down, it shall be a moment of deliciousness and not loss. Ultimately, we act out of love, not hate; not hunger for destruction, but hunger for food. So eat up, and enjoy while you can.
Editor's note: This was the program for The Ks latest show, on February 4th, 2011.