Friday, January 14, 2011

Crazy Like a Fox, a Severely Deranged Fox, That Is

Since the tragedy in Tucson last week, there has been much conjecture as to the motivations of the Arizona assassin Jared Lee Loughner. Leftists have strained to link his mass murder to the caustic rhetoric of Tea Party politicians. Likewise, some right wing pundits have cited his reading of Karl Marx and use of marijuana. Analysis of Loughner’s writings reveal thinking too deranged to readily hang any coherent political viewpoint on. The most considered thinking is that that there is no way to understand what motivated Loughner.

Or is there? The received common wisdom has led me to the conclusion that I might be the best suited to plumb the motivations of this man. Why me? Because I have been, for at least the last twenty years, irrevocably and absolutely bat-shit insane.

Do you ever feel like it’s all building up to something? Don’t you think it’s all building up to something? The news? The so-called entertainment? The left-handed people who still use their right hands? The faces of the animals? Don’t you think it’s all building up to something?

I think it’s all building up to something. I wonder if this guy Laughner thought so. No, I don’t wonder, I know, because my neighbor’s cat told me so. Do you ever wonder why his name sounds like laughter? I sometimes hear people laughing at me, but when I look at them they pretend they weren’t. WHY IS EVERYBODY LAUGHING AT ME?

Who’s laughing now? Seriously, I want to know. I just heard someone laughing and there’s no one in here. Do you think it’s all building up to something?

In conclusion, regarding the pathologies and the motivations of Jared Lee Loughner, I’d just like to say bibblebibblebribbildy blip! That’s me, making a motor-boat sound with my finger and lips. Yes, we do that.

--Abraham Lincoln Erasmus Peter Pan the Third

Editor’s note: People with mental disorders do not deserve to be mocked. I though that writing from the “insane perspective” might be an amusing what-not. So I’m not really a horrible person. Read this with impunity, for the same reason it’s all right to like that Gnarls Barkley song.

--Dan Kilian

Because it Rhymes With Bible

Regarding the Events off of Mayburn Key, July 23rd, 1964

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