Thursday, July 22, 2010

What We’ve Learned From BP

Now that the BP oil spill seems to be contained (never mind any reports of seepage you might have read) or at least in abeyance until some further heartbreak occurs, let’s assume this crisis is in endgame. That’s what we’d do even if the oil kept spewing forth forever. At some point the media moves on. Remember when we were in Iraq? Like the war in Iraq, the BP oil spill is now over. What have we learned?

It’s probably helpful to have one of those big cap things already built in case you need it.

All those people saying “Drill, Baby, Drill” were douches. Okay, most of us already knew that, but the best lessons can be learned again and again. And they will be.

After you clean oil off a pelican, it probably dies anyway.

Callous CEOs with sinister British accents and no sense of empathy make bad corporate spokespersons.

All British accents sound sinister when coming from evil assholes.

As far as the Minerals Management Service department goes, replacing corrupt cokeheads and sex fiends from the oil industry with corrupt clean-nosed prudes from the oil industry only helps with any coke-fueled orgy problems you might have had.

It helps to have Kanye in damage control mode.

There needs to be a real energy policy in this country to wean us off fossil fuels, and that policy can’t involve a carbon tax, and we should still keep on drilling in deep water, and let’s just keep going because we’re fucked anyway.

There’s no need to worry about worst-case scenarios as we start building new Nuclear Reactors.


-Dan Kilian

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