Friday, March 14, 2014

Best Intellectual Jokes

These jokes have been culled from the smartest corners of the internet, as well as MIT and Harvard Science forums. Only the brightest will get them, so if you’re not amused, it’s probably because you’re fucking retarded.

An intellectual’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” He goes out, gets drunk, and fucks a prostitute.

Q: How many intellectuals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Photons or something.

Three intellectuals walk into a bar. Bartender says do you all want a drink? They’re like “fucking of course, we just walked into a bar.”

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “Are you a Hindu? I fucking hate Hindus.”

An intellectual was fucking a cat in the middle of the street. When people noticed him, he said, “Hey! I’m fucking Schrodinger’s cat! Or AM I?”

An engineer, a chemist, and an economist are fucking this whore. The Engineer says “I’ll fuck her in the ass. The chemist says “I’ll fuck her in the mouth.” The economist says “Let’s slit her throat.”

Two intellectuals walk into a bar. One says “I bet I can take a crap on the bar and the bartender will just laugh!” The other says “You’re on!” so the first intellectual jumps up on a stool and takes a huge dump on the bar. The bartender says “What the fuck!” and grabs a bat and comes for him. As they’re running away, the first intellectual says “Well I thought it was funny!” 

--Dan Kilian 

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