A man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."
"All Commandments I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, why don’t you give up chocolates?"
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he really, really loved chocolate, because it is so delicious.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for some people to give up chocolate. It’s just so creamy-good and satisfying. I’ll tell you what, give it up for forty days and I’ll transubstantiate the bunnies of the valley into sweet sweet chocolate.”
After this, there was some discussion as to whether that ‘eye of a needle’ expression was anachronistic, and it was decided by all that they probably had needles and eyes and said things like that.
***
Okay, that might not be how it actually reads in scripture. Lent was one of those things the Catholics made up so they could be more like the Young Man than like Jesus. So if you’re denying yourself something for Lent, might I mention that The Ks have ordained tonight Fat Thursday, and we’re also proposing the concept of Deficit Lenting, which allows you to indulge in the first week of this arbitrary window which chronologically has more to do with harvesting than any actual events in the life of Jesus. You can make up for it after Easter. New Orleans aside, who really wants the big party to happen on a Tuesday? So enjoy the celebrations tonight, and gladly pay four Tuesdays from now for a hamburger, a beer or some chocolate today!
It has come to my attention that some of you are not Catholic. We love you too!
--Dan Kilian
Note: This was the program for The Ks performance at The Lakeside Lounge Thursday, Feb 23 2012.
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