Editor's note: I'm currently co-writing the script for a musical about campaign financing. Ran what we've got by some friends and Steve suggested the following musical number.
Senator Strombach's chest explodes as an interdimensional rift opens and allows a giant claw to erupt from his sternum.
From my chest has burst a clapping snapping claw!
It rips and tears and makes of meat a fleshy slaw!
Bring to me my gun
Not the small but the larger one
Make sure it's full of ammuniti-on
I must defend this plane – the only human one
What's that you say? Perhaps you're right!
My focus on this item has blinded larger sight
Humans only exist in this single universe
To think anything else would simply be perverse!
And if we are truly utterly alone
Then it's OK to do the thing I thought should never be done
So fire it up! Release the beast!
I'll get the Medal of Honor or a Nobel Prize at least
The time has come!
The Vorticolion Deviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!
I am so fucking good at this! Really, this is so easy I don't see why you need any help. But if need be I'm here.